Dependent Personality

It's been an interesting few days....

I have been sick and so I can't do what I usually do for mum... she has been wanting to help me which is lovely but she just can't do things.. it took me 10 mins to talk her through getting a bowl of weetbix..

walk straight ahead towards the cupboard... now put your right arm out....

no.. the other one....... yes

now hold it up.... not that high!.... that's better...

put your hand on the door handle...... yes that's the handle... no don't turn it... pull it!

good! now put your right hand...... yes that one........ up and get a bowl....

no mum that's a plate..... yes put it back..... all right just leave it on the bench....

now turn around.. good ... put your hand in...... pick up a bowl.... good! that's it..

OK ,.. turn around and face me.... yes bring the bowl.... no Don't leave it on the bench! ..

yes ..... that's it pick up the bowl walk towards me. Great!!

now put you hand out ..

But I won't go on. We went through getting the packet of weetbix out, putting 2 in the bowl, adding milk and microwaving it. I was exhausted, mum was really pleased with herself for 'helping' me So now mum doesn't feel like everyone is doing enough to help me, she is annoyed with my fabulous hubby and kids and scowls, makes disapproving noises and generally is awful to be around...

On one of the days she was swearing at my daughter under her breath, I was so angry! and so frustrated with her! It is like having a naughty 4-5 year old who is jealous of anyone else who comes between them and their mother.

The problem is this is old behaviour... my mother used to try and come between me and friends when I was young... her Dr, who was training to be a psychiatrist at the time, told me this when I was in my early 20's: " You have 3 children, 2 of whom will grow up. The third child is your mother. She is a dependent needy person who will always need someone to look after her. You need to leave, stop taking care of her and get on with your own life, or she will ruin yours. She will be OK. Once you stop taking care of her she will just find someone else to do it. She has a dependent personality disorder."

I can hear those words like it was yesterday,even though it was nearly 20 years ago. That Dr helped alleviate my guilt that I could not make my mother happy, that I could not give her what it was she needed, no-one could

And here I am .

And here she is.

Where will we go from here? She might be really lovely tomorrow. Lets hope so...