Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's time to resume this blog...

Mum has now been in the nursing home for over a year. Up until recently she has been very happy there and settled. She told me on a few occasions that she is glad I made the decision to put her there.

Her health has gradually declined. She needs help with all activities of daily living to get started and encouragement to complete tasks. She is often incontinent and toileted hourly.

Her memory has deteriorated a lot over the last 2 months. Initially I think she improved as the setting was easy to manage so she wasn't as stressed but now I think the Alzheimers is catching up with her. She has trouble finding words, and asks the same thing over and over. She can no longer use the large print calendar stuck on her wardrobe with her daily activities on it. She has to be fetched from her room for activities, which she happily participates in once she gets there.

She remembers me and my children but doesn't remember the other siblings. They still have not contacted me since I bought her home from hospital over 2 years ago now.

The last few weeks she has started asking me to take her home. She has been telling me how much she misses me and her friends and wanting me to bring her back up here to live with me or in a home up here. It is just awful when she does this, she has been so happy and settled there. I know that this is all part of it. God knows I've been through this with so many Alzheimers patients and families myself as a nurse in charge of a dementia ward but it's just horrible hearing her. She is like a child pleading with me to come and get her.

I know that I can't bring her back here. If I do I will have to deal with all the people who caused so much pain and suffering for her and me in the past. I am just getting my life back on track now. About 8 weeks ago I left my job and re-opened my business that I had to close when mum got sick. I still have $20,000 in debt to repay that we ran up as a result of all this. I have paid back $8,000 so far.

So it seems that we are entering another stage of the illness and I need to blog to keep sane and try and survive it all.

6 comments:

Robert said...

Blogging is a great release, isn't it?

Sorry to learn that you have got to this stage with your mum. I watched my mum deteriorate (with cancer) and it can be very distressing.

Best wishes.

Maz said...

Hi, I'm glad to see you back blogging and pop in from time to time to check!
Caring is never easy and it doesn't stop when the person you care for goes to live else where does it?
Other Carers have said, sometimes it's worse as there's loads of guilt to boot!
I guess the life of a Carer just doesn't let up, it changes a bit but it keeps on going!
God that sounds a bit deep and meaningful! LOL

(((hugs)))
Welcome back
Maz x
(maz's Carer blog!)

Greg said...

We just passed the anniversary of my own Mum's arrival in her Care Home and things are still okay. Though I see things all around her that I would wish better, she claims to be very happy and, like you report, she has on occasion thanked me for finding the place for her. I can't imagine my anguish if she were to become unhappy there and ask to be removed.

Like you, I've seen a marked decline in my Mother over the past year, both physically and mentally, but then I was warned this would happen. I choose to believe that it's a case of her "letting go" in response to the soft landing that is all around her now, but of course I worry that she might have been better at home. This is a demon I have to fight because I know that caring for her myself would have been the wrong decision for us both.

I'm glad that blogging is a pressure valve for you, as it is for me, and I look forward to your further posts. I'm particularly interested in hearing how you go forward with regard to your Mum's requests to go home, since this is something I might face in time, myself.

I'm somewhat heartened that you are equally conflicted despite your professional experience in these matters - that alone allows me to forgive myself a little. I apologise if that sounds selfish.

I think you're right in determining that you can't go backwards and need to focus on rebuilding your own life. As everyone seems to say about these things, your Mother would have wanted the best for you before the illness and as long as she's in a good place that cares for her well you've done good by her.

Best wishes for the coming year

Greg

Anonymous said...

Found your blog through someone else. Keep blogging for sure, it helps. My dad has Alzheimer's. Never thought he would be like this. It's hard to watch him decline. I blog about it.

Good luck!

Krista

ChickPea said...

Great to find you again - the blogsphere has been poorer without you.

Reading your words and being able to share in your insights is a great gift. Thank you.

Hoping 2009 holds more good things and good times than you can dream of..........

elanor said...

hi robert, yes blogging is very therapuetic,I'm sure it keeps me sane! it's hard to watch the deterioration

hi maz :) it'snice to be back

hi greg and welcome, I think the times she has thanked me for finding a good place have helped me, the calls to bring her home were just awful.. really upsetting, it seems to have settled since I visited thank goodness.

I have found my experience in the feild is a double edged sword, I understand what to expect but I also don't have any illusions about what is ahead and the reality that my own risk of Alzheimers is high. I will stop by and visit your blog, keep in touch!


Hello alzheimers team and welcome, sorry to hear about your dad, blogging is a bit of a release for many of us, it's good that we have this little network of support.

hi chickpeas ((hugs)) thanks for your support, will be stopping by to visit