She has become a bit obsessed with one of the other residents and is now wanting to get married. She talks about him constantly, follows him round and is jealous of anyone who appears to get in the way of her being with him.
Her wandering has become a problem and the decision has been made that she needs to be moved into the locked ward for her own safety. It's not going to be easy, I think she will be quite upset by the move but it has to be done.
Every time I leave I know that I have made the right decision to have her there. She simply is too ill to be kept at home and she is so well looked after there. Even though I know what's in store for her, it just is all happening too fast.
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Well, I suppose the upside is that there IS a locked ward at the same Home and that you won't have to move her to an entirely new place. I worried so much about this aspect but I'm not sure that Mum has even noticed the locked door in the 16 months she's been at her Home. I really couldn't say why.
The Love thing worries me, too. Mum had a nice friend in the Home early on, a gentle gushy Lady who seemed very taken with Mum, but then a Man moved in who independently decided that they were a couple and I've since watched this woman become silent and subservient - he keeps her by his side like a dog on a leash. She isn't free to sit with Mum any more, and she looks miserable. I would be very concerned to see Mum enter a relationship now, with all the risks of distress involved. I couldn't bear to see her troubled. I'm so lucky that she's been happy up until now.
Mum also faced a Nemesis from Day 1 from "Screaming Lady", who seemed to regard Mum as a rival for the attentions of one of the male residents and was actively hostile. Again, I'd be very upset to see Mum distorted by jealousy, but I suppose it could happen. Spring is in the air, after all.
Your mention that your Mum is "out of the happy, placid childlike stage" strikes a chill. Is this an established stage that many go through? I've been comforting myself that Mum experiences everything this way, but if it's just a stage then I'm worried how I'll cope when she progresses. I really ought to do some reading on the subject.
when I looked at homes I only looked at ones with locked wards and the ability to care for her at all different stages of the illness, so yes, I am really gald that she doesn't have to move facilities.
the love thing is a worry, I think mums going to be so upset at not being able to be with her 'beau' all day, he is probably a bit relieved! :)
I suppose I have seen a lot of dementia patients go through the stages that I see mum in, moving from a happy childlike state, into the way she is now, worrying and with mood swings.( I used to manage a nursing home with a dementia unit years ago, when they were still a rarity)
Not all patients go through it but it has been my experience that many do. As they lose more and more of their abilities,and memories the frustration increases so there are more mood swings and crying spells.
It only makes sense if you feel frustrated & confused, and don't understand what is happening around you that you withdraw and/or lash out. Thats a time when having regular predictable people and routines becomes really important. Also it can help to not be taken out to much as it can easily lead to overstimulation.
It's an awful stage for families, but at least they quickly forget what they were upset about, unfortunately we don't.
There is a book written by psychologist who is diagnosed with alzheimers which is good to read, it's called Alzheimers from the inside out :http://www.amazon.com/Alzheimers-Inside-Out-Richard-Taylor/dp/1932529233/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_c
I'll have to read it again myself, used to use it to teach the nursing staff years ago.
It's so helpful to be able to draw on your expertise, Elanor. I'd never have thought about overstimulation, for example, and I'll bear that in mind in future. I've certainly already noticed that Mum is visibly relieved to get home to familiar surroundings and routines if she's been out.
I'm ordering that book today - thank you so much for the recommendation.
I bawled my eyes out when we had to move my mom from middle care to the next level. It was another step in this long, sad & painful road and we all know where's it's ultimately leading. Every major move/downturn for my mom made me having a little breakdown.
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