I have times where I can just can't stand it. It was easier when she was happier, but these last few weeks she is not happy. Sometimes when I'm in the car alone, or in the shower I have a bit of a cry. I just feel so helpless, and I can't be there for her. I feel so angry with the family for the way they have abused and abandoned her, and me!!
I don't even have enough words to describe how this feels... mainly I feel all alone in it. My family are great, but I wish I had siblings that I could share it with. I often feel just like I did when we were kids, and mum lived in an abusive relationship. My siblings split and I spent my childhood years desperately trying to take care of mum, keep her safe, and make her happy. Thats just how this feels a lot of the time. Like I'm a kid fighting something that's just way too powerful for me, putting on a brave front for everyone, but inside, I'm just scared and lonely.
4 comments:
I feel for you, but there's nothing that can be done. Just stay close to those who care for you.
Best wishes.
It's so hard. I can barely think about that time in my life and it was only a year and a half ago. No one who hasn't been there can understand the stress, the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the whole stew of emotion that drowns us when we are helpless against this disease.
I wish you & your mother well for the remainder of her journey.
-Bert
alzheimersdad.blogspot.com
(((hugs)))Caring is never easy is it!
You have always done the best you can for your mum and it's clear from your writing you are a loving person.
I'm sending a smile and a ((hug)) in friendship.
maz x
I just started reading your blog and look forward to reading more of it. I smiled when I read about you having a little cry in the car or shower...I still do that.
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