tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post6136929516446823664..comments2023-03-31T20:33:03.722+11:00Comments on Diary of a Carer...: thanks and ((hugs)) to my fellow bloggerselanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10294623360908251468noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-53188235136709959682009-05-09T03:01:00.000+10:002009-05-09T03:01:00.000+10:00Sorry...one more little bit. Greg absolutely crac...Sorry...one more little bit. Greg absolutely cracks me up with his stories somedays. The "marvelous son" and "the representative for the extended family". Greg, you make me smile :) citygirlcitygirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01337184917158798153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-2091518781897991822009-05-09T02:59:00.000+10:002009-05-09T02:59:00.000+10:00I absolutely despise when people try to "jolly thi...I absolutely despise when people try to "jolly things up" or try to help you look on the bright side. It didn't occur to me that they might be uncomfortable with grief or sadness...I just thought they were twits! You've helped me understand these people a bit better now...thank you....maybe I won't be as hard on them anymore.<br /><br />I really enjoy reading your blog where you freely talk about your feelings (as I do on my blog).citygirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01337184917158798153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-70762812562542406882009-02-10T20:16:00.000+11:002009-02-10T20:16:00.000+11:00hi greg,yes you are right about the visits, I find...hi greg,<BR/><BR/>yes you are right about the visits, I find that the time I can take mum out is getting shorter due to the incontinence and the tiredness. I did take her to the picture theatre last time to see a childrens cartoon and she really loved it.<BR/><BR/>I find that I go out armed with incontinence products, a change of clothes and we make hourly trips to the bathroom... it's going to get increasingly difficult to take her out for more than a few hours soon.elanorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10294623360908251468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-49334434245744120892009-02-09T10:19:00.000+11:002009-02-09T10:19:00.000+11:00I'm sure it will give you so much comfort in years...I'm sure it will give you so much comfort in years to come to know that you were able to bring your Mum some delight even in the midst of and despite her illness. It's lovely that you made this effort and I think it's just as important for your persisting memories as for her transitory ones.<BR/><BR/>It's curious with my Mum: if I let the staff know that I'm going to visit and they tell her, Mum bores the pants off everyone who'll listen about her "marvelous Son" (her praise for me is excruciating to listen to, since I never merited it in such an effulgent fashion before her illness - how can I possibly live up to it?). However, in our conversations, she often says things to me that suggest that she sees me as her Husband (my adoptive Father), which might account for some of her enthusiasm. Other times she asks about relatives (sometimes deceased) as if we are all living together in one big old house and I am the representative for the extended family.<BR/><BR/>I recognise the post-lunch exhaustion you describe. Over the past year I've had to curtail my ambitions as far as outings are concerned. Mum couldn't manage a trip to the local zoo, or a walk in the country - she'd be tired and she, frankly, doesn't seem to see any value. She mostly wants to be taken somewhere to eat a meal, and I'm afraid I've even stopped doing that since she's developed a problem with incontinence. My visits all start off enthusiastic (I turned up with doughnuts for everyone in the household last time) but it's very dispiriting to have the same, limited, conversation each time and I'm quickly at a loss for what to do or say. I don't feel that "marvelous" in actual fact. Still, she seems to be happy and is surrounded by activity all day, which she watches avidly like a soap opera. If I take her to her room and sit with her, I soon see her itching to get back to the Lounge to see what's going on.<BR/><BR/>I know what you mean about people who try to close the conversation down with an optimistic remark. Yes, it's well-meaning, but it can feel a bit crass in the way it appears to discount the very real ongoing situation and the huge consuming passions we're experiencing day to day. It sounds like you see blogging about it the same way I do, and I'm glad you have the outlet. I'm glad for your sake and for mine, because it's helpful to know I'm not alone in feeling some of these things.<BR/><BR/>GGreghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15270177252139637687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-51798987685594654232009-02-09T04:50:00.000+11:002009-02-09T04:50:00.000+11:00hi robert, I suppose it's a matter of just doing w...hi robert, I suppose it's a matter of just doing what feels right and what I can live with, the 'me' time was great 1<BR/><BR/><BR/>hi Carol :) so glad that you stopped by, sorry to hear about your mum, I hope her confusions settles soon, I found reading other carers blogs helped me so much, especially with the feelings of loneliness, <BR/><BR/>hi anon, you are in a really tough situation ((hugs)), it sounds like you are exhausted from caring, I remember nights when I just sat and cried, and then I put on my 'happy' face in the day time, I can't put into words how unhappy I was feeling and how torn between what my mum needed and what I and my family needed. I wish I could ask you over for a cuppa and a chat. <BR/><BR/>If you want to you could email me at (the name of this blog) AT Hotmail dot com, <BR/><BR/>do you have access to any free counseling in your area? some carers associations provide it ( they do in australia) or a local health centre? <BR/>Maybe the cost of caring is now becoming too great, it sounds like it's affecting your health and your family like it did for me, in the end thats what forced me into my decision. I just knew that if I kept going I risked getting really sick and also that my family felt more and more distant.<BR/> <BR/>You are doing an amazing job and what a wonderful gift you have given your grandfather these last two years!<BR/> Is there any home help or day care you can get? That might be a help so that you can get some time to yourself to start to think things through and decide what you want to to do. I hope you stop by and read this, please email me ((hugs))elanorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10294623360908251468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-37274671597315798392009-02-08T06:15:00.000+11:002009-02-08T06:15:00.000+11:00I too am a carer for my 90 year old Grandad my Nan...I too am a carer for my 90 year old Grandad my Nan passed away 2 years ago and he didn't want to leave his home he had shared with her for 50 years so I moved in with him so he could have all his things around him after losing his wife of 50 years. I rented my house out moved my family 250 miles away just so he could live the rest of his life around the things he loved as he didn't want to move in with me nor go in a care home. 2 years have passed by and I am just so depressed all the time. I can't leave him for long or if I need to go away for even a day I need to arrange so much. I have got myself into a mess and can't get out. we don't have any of our things around us I can't work as grandad needs consent care and I have no friends here. I have loss my happy smile and fun side. I agrue alot with my husband. This isn't my home I thought I was doing a good deed for my dear grandad but now I just want to run far far away but can't everyone NEEDS me. I cry all the time but not in front of anyone I hide my feelings from everyone as they might think I am a failure. I need some to talk to who is going through the same thing please.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-39182100409679932622009-02-06T20:35:00.000+11:002009-02-06T20:35:00.000+11:00Your blog has been a godsend to me, as I am rather...Your blog has been a godsend to me, as I am rather early still, in my mom's journey with this horrible affliction--right now we are unsure as to what her living situation will need to be next week, as she has been in a rehab facility temporarily, due to some severe confusion...reading your blog and others like it helps me remember that I'm not alone...Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13675829827137657056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6828373550435970492.post-90714204552662025592009-01-22T21:29:00.000+11:002009-01-22T21:29:00.000+11:00Imho you've got the right attitude. When your mum...Imho you've got the right attitude. When your mum eventually passes away, you grief will be tempered by the knowledge that you did all you could for her in the last phase of her life. I'm glad thta you got some "you" time on your holiday.<BR/><BR/>Best wishes.Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08210753167984462321noreply@blogger.com