The hardest part is that she does not recognise me. Before I went in I prepared myself, but it still feels so hard to sit down next to my mother on the lounge and have her look at me like a stranger. No recognition at all. She just smiled politely at me. When I told her who I was she was happy and hugged me. I am dreading the day that I tell her who I am and it doesn't mean anything to her any more.
What I noticed this time is that her initiative to do things is much less. She now gets up each day and goes and sits in the lounge reading. She will participate in activities but the staff have to come and fetch her and get her set up now. She was much happier this time, but much more passive, waiting to be told what to do next all the time. She is also starting to have more trouble finding words.
We had a really nice time together though. I just took her back to the motel room and we sat and talked while I painted her nails. Then we went for walk, about half a block, to get an ice cream and she was tired at the end of that. I found that after lunch she was falling asleep so our visit was about 5 hours total.
The good thing was that she remembered some of our last holiday at Christmas. She told me how much she enjoyed it, especially all the animals.
I feel like the clock is ticking down... I feel very helpless about what is happening, all I can do is make the most of the time we have left together, trying to look after both of us in the process.
3 comments:
You're doing all you can and more than a lot of people.
The lack of recognition doesn't mean she doesn't remember you - it sounds like a visual processing problem. My Mum looks at photos of my Dad and isn't sure if it's him or not, sometimes. She's good at picking me out of a photograph as long as it's from the 60s and 70s. One of the other ladies in Mum's place can't recognise her bathroom door (I've had to show her where it is before) or see the knife and fork on either side of her plate (she complains that the staff are neglecting her - I placed them ON the plate and she could see them again).
As for the initiative thing, do you get the same feeling of horror that I do? I am aware that my Mum is in the best place I could find and that she is happy and feels well-looked-after, but my skin crawls at the idea of just sitting there and doing so little every day (they DO have regular activities, but still!). I look at my huge pile of unread books in my library and panic that an equivalent torpor and lack of curiosity will overcome me before I get around to reading them.
Then again, Mum isn't that aware of the passage of time, living a 'groundhog day' where just about everything happened "just the other day". She tells me the same stories every time I visit. Still, at least she has stories!
Sorry I'm blurting all this out. You must have hit a nerve. It's just stimulating for me to read your thoughts on this and find so much in common, even though we are on opposite sides of the planet.
Hey, I hope you're alright and the fires I've been seeing on my TV screen haven't come anywhere near you or your Mum.
G
yes, it does seem like groundhog day sometimes! LOL!
and as you say, thank goodness they have stories to still tell.
please don't apologise for 'blurting' it all out here, I really appreciate the conversation and understanding, It's nice to have a place to just be able to talk honestly about the whole thing.
Fortunately we are not in the fire region, it's been an awful weekend here in Australia and the country is certainly shocked by the devastation.
I feel like I want to be a kid again and have my mom back quite often. I want to have her comfort me and tell me that everything's ok...
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