I think I have carer dementia! Yesterday I put the electric kettle on the gas stove to boil and melted the rubber base of the kettle. You can imagine the smell and smoke that it created!
My mind is tired and I just can't seem to remember everything like I used to. I was up at 2am because I woke up worrying about everthing that needs to be done. I just found out I forgot to pay some important bills. I need to make lists to keep track of it all, there is mums financial and health bills and paperwork as well as our own. No one seems to understand just how swamped I am with the backlog of 'things' that I need to do both at home and at work.
My mother was a copious list maker. For as long as I can remember she used to write lists and reminders. As she slipped into dementia she must have tried desperately to keep hold of the thoughts as they came into her head. When I cleaned her house I found hundreds of notes, there were 17 calendars attached to the fridge alone and more in other rooms. There were notes in stuck in her car reminding her to turn off the lights, drive at 50k, check oil etc. She had taken some white out and marked the 50k on the speedo.
When I do silly things like I did with the kettle I wonder is it just that I am so tired?... or is this the start? When I feel overwhelmed by the paperwork trail and forget important bills I never know if it is 'normal' or not. And nobody wants to talk about it... they want to say "don't be silly", "you're just tired"... or "you've been through a lot lately".... that's what I used to say to my mother when she had the same concerns.
I don't think it is an unreasonable concern given a mother and grandmother with early onset Alzheimer's.
Does anyone else out there worry they may be next in line for this horrible disease?
4 comments:
I can't imagine the nagging doubts that you must struggle with when things like this happen. I worry about my own mind sometimes, and yet I don't have a history of Alzheimer's in my family to my knowledge.
I think maybe everyone worries about their state of mind sometimes. Our thinking ability is more important than anything else.
I wonder if there is some sort of test?
I know just what you mean. I put it down to stress and having too many balls to juggle. As my reflexologist said it's not surprising if you have memory problems when you are thinking and organising for two - there is then no spare capacity.
mr mans wife there is a test for to see if a person carries the gene for it, I have thought about it a lot. on the one hand if I knew I could prepare but on the other hand I might just give up on the future altogether.. also dr's told me that there are lots of lifestyle factors I can change so I am working hard on that.
the thinker, I had not thought of it as thinking for 2 but you are right that is how it is, in some ways like when the kids are little, but they get more and more independent as oppossed to more dependent. maybe my brain is just tired, I hope so.
It must be difficult to have that hanging over you. I haven't got any history of alzheimers in my family but I'm always forgeting the simplest of things so it could easily be the stress of being a carer. I've missed putting out the bins for two weeks now, have lost (yet again to my wife's annoyance) more of my wife's clothes and left the stove on while we went out.
And I'm feeling quite organised at the moment!!!
I'm 25 but looking at the adverts I wouldn't want to know what my brain score would be - at least an octagernarian.
I agree about that thinking for two thing but sometimes feels like more because I'm in charge of things that would be split between a whole family then you have other factors like guilt and debt added on top.
God I sound depressing -its not that bad - at least we've got our mad pets to keep us sane.
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